スプライサーは今どこ？

return once again to the self-induced hellhole, why must i repeat the sufferings? love, why so cruel...

here i am back again...

hullo...

sigh

i made it pretty far this last bit- 1.5 weeks, or was it 2? where i was on my own and away from xenotrek... i did pretty good up until the final 2 days, where- admittedly- i became... homesick.

how embarassing is that? a 27 year old woman, homesick, and for someone who doesn't even give two shits about her!!! what the fuck is that! ugh. love is HORRID. EVIL. oh my Heavens if only one could find a reciprocity in this nullified and paranoia-stricken bastion of suffering.. woe is most certainly me.

i keep repeating my mantra, for it is... well, here it is:

"i made my bed, i must lie in it. or, get the fuck out of here and become anew, idiot!"

i have no right to complain about that which i have so seemingly willingly placed myself upon/within.

is this what insanity is?

((yes.))
((most certainly, yes.))

aside from the dramatic happenings

ive mostly been doing what i have become so adept at over the past year or so- and that is, being online 24/7. i typically spend a lot of time on:

coding
worldbuilding (this time on elriel)
playing with music or livecoding
making digital collages
spending hours if not days working on my quite massive collection of unfinished-but-nearly-there github projects

@numbpill3d on github <3

i write frequently. its all so morose lately.

i also have been experimenting with new medium with which to express my visual agony(ies) with. this time, it is mediapipe combined with touch designer, and a dash of threejs to make something quite... poetically futuristic. i am inclined to dabble in the world of the Virtually Real. we shall see.

who knows what will happen, when i am literally working on 100+ things at once, at any given time. sometimes luck strikes and BAM i finish one of them up. yahoo. nothing is planned in this impulsive city. god i cannot wait to escape to my home, in the mountains, with people who love me and do not hate me, and do not talk to me like i am a retarded idiot, and do not hurt me when i do not listen when they say for me to "shut the fuck up", yet they are the ones who will not stop yelling... ahem

i am losing it! i am losing it! i am

...

good...goodnight...

also...

was thinking of starting to.. livestream.? soon?

keep... keep an eye out... mayb

also again...

look at my wishlist... perhaps...

h.here.. it is.... ;-;

hmm

worlds

come into my area for a while...
ever been to elriel?
initiate contact