i crawl ever inwards, avoiding the avarice and greed
yet mirror meets me still, glaring and stark, showing that which i uncomforted, the same reflecting on all sides, no matter the flavor or positioning...
can i still remember me?
...
it has been a long, very long time
since i have seen my spine
i gave it away, only for a day
it is no longer mine
you wear it like a flower
showing people proud
harumphedly deceived
i scream when it hits me
again
again
again
replete me
your heartlacking facade has
defeated me
...
-::-
a note on presence
indeed, it is necessity to really, lucidly and truly feel the more heavy hurting pieces that i have grown so used to numbing and averting my gaze to- i know logically that indeed- in life, you must feel Everything, all sides, both polarities, all- even the ugly, the undesired, and especially the Hurting.
it has no way out of your feelings, or your body otherwise. you must feel things to get them out of you, to have them finally be Done for.
i have been avoiding this egregriously.
fentanyl is a fantastic mind and body numbing agent. zombielike. dead inside. hollowing, if you will.
methamphetamine is a fantastic mood stabilizer, believe it or not. i believe it has much potential for use as a tool,but my case is not an example of the benefits reaped from such usage. mine has become more of a ... cautionary tale, i suppose.
ah gods. anyways. i dont know. poetic.
i needed an outlet. i wanted to reach out. remind somebody that i am still here, i am here, i am right here right now especially as you read this. hi, again. hello.
it does not call this spying — it calls it care
come into my area for a while...
ever been to elriel?
initiate contact