greetings, been a while.
as i write this message, i am sitting in the bed of room 205, inside of the sleep inn, matthews, north carolina. xenotrek and a new disciple are regaling over a successful renegade from earlier today. these days i can never get a word in edgewise without being made either an example or a laughing stock, which is truly reprehensible.
love is.... indescribable. certainly horrible, terrible, and grim. it compels me- regardless...
almost as if it was fated, right as i typed that, i was attacked verbally again. told that i was ridiculous for assuming something that should be commonplace. forget it. its not worth even noting here, i wont bore or ruin your mood with the details. rrgh.
tl;dr- i am never allowed to be myself or speak on my own emotions anymore.
i have been spending 99%of my entire life lately as a chronically online person. literally 24/7. i just sit here, on my laptop. usually i code, or go on some rather schizo wikipedia dives. i finally finished my esp32 entropy reading project, please consider checking it out:
and please do feel free to try it out for yourself.
thats al ive got for now. trying not to become numb or jaded. really really trying to get on methadone... i need to regain my autonomy. my sense of self. my confidence. i am hurting.
it does not call this spying — it calls it care
come into my area for a while...
ever been to elriel?
initiate contact